Taboo

I would ask if you are singing the Salt -N-Pepa song like I am but that would reveal my age! Sex/intimacy is a common topic in my office, in fact, in assessments I do ask about the level of intimacy. Most women talk about the desire discrepancy between themselves and their male partners and/or the fear of resuming sexual relations after delivery and feeling “touched out” and not being secure with how different our body looks, the list could go on forever…

 So many of my blog posts center or touch on communication and this will be no different. A few things to remember: sex does not have to be intercourse!  Discuss what both of you have as a goal for the sexual interaction, agree to have realistic expectations, be flexible in those expectations and keep the lines of communication open. 

As far as desire discrepancy- I do use the microwave v crockpot analogy quite a bit.  Men are like microwaves= they heat up right away. Women are more like crockpots= takes awhile and some work before we are cooking. Sometimes adding some humor to the conversation does help;)

If you are afraid of it being painful, guide your partner, tell them what you are thinking might be the least painful position. But if it does prove to be painful- adjust!

If you feel touched out(especially if you are breastfeeding), remember it has likely been 6+ weeks since your partner has been touched in this way and maybe even just suggest, lying in bed together, a back or foot massage….

If you are feeling insecure with your body(almost 100% of women report feeling this way)- give yourself some grace. Your body just grew another human over 40 weeks, no one expects your body to be “how it was” in a mere 6 weeks or so. 

My last piece of advice is to talk about intimacy post birth before the birth occurs. I know you can not predict how delivery will go but having a conversation with your partner about what they hope for and you hope for afterwards can make things less stressful in an already stressful postpartum time. 

Even the song from 1991 says “Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.”