Resentment

Even the word resentment can make you feel “icky.”  Actually feeling resentment towards someone is even worse. But I venture to say that almost every woman at some stage of pregnancy, delivery, newborn time or motherhood feels resentful of their partner or friends or anyone!  Whether you have naturally conceived your baby or you are using ART(assisted reproductive technology)- you feel resentful. With ART often your body is the one having meds pumped into it, shot given, mood up and down and your male partner donates sperm in a cup.  You gain the weight, you can no longer tie your shoes. Delivery comes and you have the biggest physical challenge ever placed on your body to get through. Newborn phase you are trying to heal while getting little to no sleep and leaking fluid from your breasts and your vagina, just to name a few.  How about motherhood? How often are moms the “default parent?”  Who does daycare call first? Who bears the mental load of each day?

It is so easy to feel resentful towards our partner but oh so incredibly difficult to admit!  It also makes us feel so incredibly guilty for feeling that way. I have had so many moms say to me they are resentful of their partner because once the baby comes “nothing changes for my partner.”  It is very easy to get in a downward spiral with this emotion. The suggestion when feeling overwhelmingly resentful is to pause before you react, breathe, wait and then say what you need to say kindly. And yes I am saying SPEAK IT SISTER!.  No one can tell you what you feel.  Offer concrete suggestions that will help you feel less resentment. The absolute best way to deal with these negative feelings is to own them, label them, name them and take care of them.