Happy(?) Holidays

“Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah” all seem to depict sheer joy. I would venture for a lot of people that is true but also for a lot of people holidays are incredibly hard. There are several reasons for that: the past 2 ½ years in a pandemic, maybe the death of a loved one(even a baby), maybe continued fertility challenges, maybe feeling miserable in a pregnancy, maybe not getting any sleep with a newborn, maybe just tired and adding one more thing(oh wait holidays add way more than one thing) to your plate is so overwhelming you just simply cannot.  Sound familiar?

I would challenge you to give yourself grace this year if you are struggling. I am going to resort to the old oxygen mask analogy on an airplane. You are instructed that if cabin pressure changes and O2 masks drop down to put it on yourself before putting it on your child.  We often think that flight attendants are silly to think we would do that BUT you have to be alive and well to protect your child.  In this instance you have to be well to put one foot in front of the other. You can’t fill anyone else's cup if yours is empty.  

For those of you who are grieving, whether it is a tangible loss or grieving over the loss of expectations(maybe you expected to be pregnant this holiday season, maybe you expected to love being pregnant, maybe you expected to love being a mom) it is ok to set boundaries. Have a preemptive conversation with your family. Preface the whole thing with how you are struggling and you do not really want to answer questions.  Suggest that the holiday be the focus. You are well aware people care and mean well but you just have to ask family to respect this request. You can also say that if things get too hard and you need to step away you will do so. Setting boundaries is really hard and sometimes sticking to them is even harder. But you always feel better when you do. 

For those of you with newborns, it is ok to say “no” to big crowds at the holidays. Covid does still exist, it is also flu season and RSV is rampant right now. You can say “no” to the crowds or set other boundaries if you do attend. I strongly suggest asking anyone that is feeling ill to stay home. Folks in attendance should wash their hands. I also strongly recommend reminding the family not to kiss the baby. You also have the right to ask people to wear a mask if they are going to hold your baby. 

All of this to say please think about yourself!  Think about what is just too much and will only worsen how you feel. It is Ok to set boundaries and stick to them, in fact it will make for a HEALTHY holiday season.